lessthanthree
by moon strut
Summary: "You kneed some girl in the ovaries, were sexually harassed by Sasuke, and then proceeded to duct tape him to the treadmill. How's that for a party?" IMs, text messages, and Facebook. Many things could go wrong.
1. genius

**summary:** To think it all started with just a click of a button. "Ino, if I don't make it out alive, I want you to have my Coach bags and those totally hot boots I never got to wear."

**disclaimer: **I do disclaim what is to be disclaimed in this disclaimer.

**edit 06.22.11 **I rewrote some of it to make the characters sound less retarded. LOL. That is all.

* * *

**lessthanthree**

**WARNING:** INTERNET CRACK and MODERATELY FOUL LANGUAGE

**Haruno Sakura **is freaking excited.

...

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 6:44 pm September 13_

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, BETCH! AND WHY HAVEN'T YOU PICKED UP YOUR PHONE?

_Show 9 more comments..._

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:50 pm September 13_

Wow, Ino, stop spamming me!

...

**Yamanaka Ino **is wondering WHY THE HELL Sakura isn't picking up her phone!

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:52 pm September 13_

If you MUST know...

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 6:52 pm September 13_

?

...

**Haruno Sakura **just got a new Sidekick! Hell YEAH.

**Uzumaki Naruto **_and_** Yamanaka Ino** _like this._

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **_at 6:53 pm September 13_

AWWW! SO LUCKY.

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:53 pm September 13_

:P

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 6:54 pm September 13_

OMFG. Srsly?

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:54 pm September 13_

FOR srsly.

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 6:55 pm September 13_

OMG.

**Haruno Sakura** _at 6:56 pm September 13  
_

I know right?

...

**Tenten AwesomeSauce **got a job at Starbuck's, betch!

**Haruno Sakura**, **Hyuuga Hinata**, _and 3 others like this._

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 7:01 pm September 13_

w00t! BFFs better get employee discounts! ;]

**Hyuuga Hinata** _at 7:02 pm September 13_

Congratulations Tenten lessthanthree

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 7:02 pm September 13_

I hope you don't have late hours.

**Tenten AwesomeSauce** _at 7:03 pm September 13_

Awww... Worried? x3

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 7:03 pm September 13_

... No.

**Hyuuga Neji **_at 7:03 pm September 13_

Seriously. I'm not.

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **is now friends with **Uchiha Itachi**.

**Uchiha Itachi **_likes this._

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **_at 7:21 pm September 13_

Wow. Seriously?

**Uchiha Itachi **_at 7:22 pm September 13_

Don't hate, little brother (:

**Uchiha Sasuke **_at 7:22 pm September 13_

... Shut up.

...

**Yamanaka Ino **is excited for the dance!

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 7:45 pm September 13_

Ino, that dance is almost a month away.

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 7:45 pm September 13_

SO! I can't be excited? GAWSH, Forehead.

**Haruno Sakura** _at 7:46 pm September 13_

... -.-;

...

**Hyuuga Hinata** I don't think I'm going to go to the dance...

...

**Y****amanaka Ino** _at 7:48 pm September 13_

WHAT!

**Haruno Sakura** _at 7:48 pm September 13_

WHAT!

**Hyuuga Neji **_at 7:50 pm September 13_

Good choice, Hinata.

**Tenten AwesomeSauce** _at 7:51 pm September 13_

NEJI!

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 7:51 pm September 13_

What...?

...

**Yamanaka Ino **wrote on **Haruno Sakura**'s wall.

OMG, I need a date!

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 8:03 pm September 13_

WTH? Already?

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:03 pm September 13_

YES. I HAVE to be prepared.

**Haruno Sakura** _at 8:03 pm September 13_

WOW.

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **WTFFFFF

Uzumaki Naruto took the** ARE YOU AN IDIOT **quiz and the result is** FUKIN IDIOT**

NOT WORTHY OF OWNING A COMPUTER

**Comment** **·** **Like ·** **Take this Quiz**

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **_at 8:04 pm September 13_

It's accurate alright.

**Uzumaki Naruto** _at 8:04 pm September 13_

Fuck. You.

_Show 11 more comments..._

**Inuzuka Kiba** _at 8:06 pm September 13_

LOL.

...

**Yamanaka Ino **wrote on ******Nara Shikamaru**'s wall.

Heeey, wanna go with me to the dance?

...

**Nara Shikamaru** _at 8:06 pm September 13_

wtf?

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:06 pm September 13_

FINE. Be that way ):

...

**Yamanaka Ino **wrote on ******Inuzuka Kiba**'s wall.

Hey, wanna go to the dance with me? ;)

...

**Inuzuka Kiba **_at 8:07 pm September 13_

... Uh... no.

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 8:08 pm September 13_

WHAT! Why not! What's wrong with me?

**Inuzuka Kiba** _at 8:08 pm __September__ 13_

Sorry, I'm going with Hinata.

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:08 pm September 13_

Liar! She's not going!

**Inuzuka Kiba** _at 8:09 pm September 13_

WHAT? Aw shit.

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:09 pm September 13_

You're so meaaan!

...

**Yamanaka Ino **wrote on **********Hyuuga Neji**'s wall.

Heeey, Neji...

...

**Hyuuga Neji **_at 8:10 pm September 13_

No.

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 8:10 pm September 13_

Wow! I didn't say anything yet!

...

**Inbox (1)**

From: Nara Shikamaru  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject: _No Subject_

What is Ino doing?

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Nara Shikamaru  
Subject: _RE:_ _No Subject_

Apparently, she's looking for a date.

Don't ask me why.

...

**Yamanaka Ino **wrote on ******Uzumaki Naruto**'s wall.

Hey, wanna go to the dance with me?

...

**Uzumaki Naruto** _at 8:12 pm September 13_

Uh. Okay?

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:12 pm September 13_

Yay! Get ready, 'cause we're going on a date tomorrow night ;)

**Uzumaki Naruto** _at 8:13 pm September 13_

...Why? Isn't the date like a month from now?

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:13 pm September 13_

Glad you remembered! And it's so we can get to know each other beforehand!

**Uzumaki Naruto**_at 8:14 pm September 13_

Are you trying to make Shikamaru jealous?

**Yamanaka Ino **_8:14 pm September 13_

...NO.

...

**Haruno Sakura **wrote on** Yamanaka Ino**'s wall.

Ino... wtf are you trying to do?

...

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 8:20 pm September 13_

Uh, hello! Tryin' to get a date here!

**Haruno Sakura** _at 8:21 pm September 13_

You're crazy, Pig.

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:21 pm September 13_

What ever! Answer my texts dammit!

**Haruno Sakura** _at 8:21 pm September 13_

Uh, hello! I just got a new phone, and it's still not activated yet.

...

**Haruno Sakura **is now friends with **Uchiha Sasuke**.

**Yamanaka Ino **_likes this._

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **wrote on **Haruno Sakura**'s wall.

What's number 42 on Kakashi's hw?

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 8:34 pm September 13_

Uh... 14.

**Uchiha Sasuke**_ at 8:35 pm September 13_

Thanks.

**Haruno Sakura** _at 8:36 pm September 13_

Yep...

...

**Yamanaka Ino **is now friends with **Uchiha Sasuke**.

**Yamanaka Ino **_likes this._

...

**Tenten AwesomeSauce **doesn't want to go to school tomorrow -_-

**Yamanaka Ino **_and_ **Haruno Sakura **_like this_.

...

**Yamanaka Ino **has a date with Naruto tomorrow ;)

**Uzumaki Naruto **_likes this._

...

**Uchiha Sasuke** _at 8:50 pm September 13_

...

**Haruno Sakura** _at 8:50 pm September 13_

... o_O

_Show 18 more comments..._

**Nara Shikamaru** _at 8:55 pm September 13_

Wow. Really, Ino?

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:55 pm September 13_

Yes, really :P

...

**Haruno Sakura **has concluded that Ino has gone crazy.

**Nara Shikamaru**, **Hyuuga Neji**, _and 12 others like this._

...

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:57 pm September 13_

WOW! You guys are SO mean!

**Uzumaki Naruto** _at 8:58 pm September 13_

It's aight, Ino. I dig wild chicks (;

**Yamanaka Ino**_ at 8:58 pm September 13_

:D

**Nara Shikamaru** _at 9:00 pm September 13_

...

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **thinks Kakashi is evil!

**Haruno Sakura**, **Uchiha Sasuke**, _and 5 other like this._

...

**Yamanaka Ino **is excited for her date ;)

**Uzumaki Naruto **_likes this._

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 9:09 pm September 13_

Ew.

...

**Haruno Sakura **is OMFG, my phone is activated! YESSS.

**Yamanaka Ino **_and _**Hyuuga Hinata **_like this._

...

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 9:23 pm September 13_

Freakin' finally!

...

...

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

OMG.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

OMFG.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

OMFG.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

OMFGGGG.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Okay, on with business. You, my friend, are very sneaky, getting Sasuke to add you ;)

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Wtf? He just asked me what number 42 was for Kakashi's hw, gawd. it meant nothing, ino.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Uh huh. Sure.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Yeah!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Why did he ask YOU of all people?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

I guess, I'm smart?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

So? Hinata is too.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

He doesn't really talk to her. Actually he doesn't really talk to anyone. Look, it means nothing!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Riiiight.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Sakura.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Hello...?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

HARUNO SAKURA.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

ANSWER MY EFFIN TEXTS, WOMAN!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

SDFHLADJHFAJDSHFLHADS.

...

**Yamanaka Ino **wrote on **Haruno Sakura**'s wall.

DON'T IGNORE ME, BITCH. Answer your goddamn phone!

...

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 9:41 pm September 13_

dfhsdfhdslfhdsjfasjd

_Show 23 more comments..._

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 9:42 pm September 13_

LJHSDAJHSDHADJAHDJS

**Haruno Sakura **_at 9:43 pm September 13_

WHAT THE FUCK.

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino **had an AWESOME time last night ;)

**Uzumaki Naruto **_likes this._

_..._

**Haruno Sakura **at 4:01 pm September 14

...EW.

_Show 5 more comments..._

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 4:08 pm September 14_

IT TOTALLY WAS NOT LIKE THAT, PERVS.

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **thinks Kakashi is a cruel, even-more evil bastard.

...

**Inuzuka Kiba **_at 4:10 pm September 14_

TOO. MUCH. HOMEWORK.

**Hyuuga Hinata** _at 4:12 pm September 14_

Do you need help, Naruto?

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 4:12 pm September 14_

No, he doesn't Hinata. You better watch it, Uzumaki.

**Uzumaki Naruto** _at 4:13 pm September 14_

WTFFFF Neji!

...

**Haruno Sakura **wrote on **Hyuuga Hinata**'s wall.

Wanna go to Starbuck's later? (:

...

**Hyuuga Hinata **_at 4:18 pm September 14_

Sure (=

...

**Tenten AwesomeSauce **has to go to work soon xP

...

**Hyuuga Neji **_at 4:21 pm September 14_

Be careful.

**Tenten AwesomeSauce** _at 4:21 pm September 14_

Worried, are we? :3

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 4:22 pm September 14_

... No. I'm just warning you...

**Haruno Sakura** _at 4:23 pm September 14_

Hinata and I will be there later!

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 4:23 pm September 14_

WOW. Thanks for inviting me, BEST FRIENDS.

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 4:25 pm September 14_

Hello...?

...

...

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **is going to kill the Dobe.

**Hyuuga Neji **_likes this_.

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **_at 5:01 pm September 14_

I swear, spilling coffee on you was NOT on purpose.

**Inuzuka Kiba **_at 5:02 pm September 14_

LOL.

...

**Tenten AwesomeSauce** can NOT believe Neji.

...

**Hyuuga Neji**_at 5:04 pm September 14_

What did I do?

**Tenten AwesomeSauce** _at 5:04 pm September 14_

You spied on me! While I was working! You caused a HUGE commotion.

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 5:05 on September 14_

Hey, YOU'RE the one who started yelling and throwing straws and cups at people. You have horrible aim.

**Tenten AwesomeSauce**_ at 5:05 pm September 14_

My boss gave me a second chance, so I was lucky. YOU better make it up to me. And DO NOT INSULT MY AIM, YOU BASTARD!

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 5:05 pm September 14_

I'll get you a large pizza with mushrooms and bacon on it.

**Tenten AwesomeSauce** _at 5:06 pm September 14_

... Fine. You are REALLY lucky you have good taste in pizza.

...

**Inbox (1)**

From: Yamanaka Ino  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject:_ Ooh La La~_

What are the chances? Sasuke was at Starbuck's 'cause of yooouu. ;D

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Yamanaka Ino  
Subject: _YOUR FACE._

No. Ino, just, no. He was there because Neji was stalking Tenten, and Naruto decided to go along, thus dragging him there.

...

From: Yamanaka Ino  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject: _Is beautiful!_

Well, that BROUGHT him there. But he stayed 'cause of YOU. What guy would stay at a coffee shop where a crazy girl throws cups at people anyway? PLUS, Naruto spilled his coffee on him. Which HAS to be burning hot.

Ooh, and I can think of OTHER THINGS that are burning hot.

And I have no idea why Kiba was there in the first place, but he was totally checkin Hina out!

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Yamanaka Ino  
Subject: _NO COMMENT._

You are totally delusional. Those are ALL coincidences.

Shut up, perv.

He's been crushing on Hinata for like, ever!

And you have yet to tell me about your little date, betch!

...

From: Yamanaka Ino  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject: _You SHOULD have a comment. You're SAKURA._

What ever you saaaay, Sakura. ;)

I've been influenced too much by you. Tsk, tsk.

For srsly?

OHMYGAWD, the date was soooososososo cute. We went to this cute little ramen stand, and while we ate, he started telling me about how we have sooo much in common. Like, I'm blond, he's blond. I have blue eyes, he has blue eyes. AND, he thinks you and Sasuke should so hook up. And what do you know, I do too!

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Yamanaka Ino  
Subject: _Good point._

Yeah. What ever I say.

PSSHH, I bet you sneak peeks at Kakashi-sensei's pron books.

FOR FREAKIN' SRSLY. How slow can you get!

Okay, I have to admit it. That sounds WAY cute. But a ramen stand? Is that your idea of romantic? And I KNOW how you're such a hopeless romantic.

For the last time, me and Sasuke will NEVER hook up!

...

From: Yamanaka Ino  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject: _Duh, coz I'm INO._

Yes, it is VERY romantic!

Just you see, Sakura, just you see...

But you HAVE to admit, you like Sasuke. Even NARUTO knows. NARUTO.

Oh, and btw, he's gonna tell Sasuke you like him. Don't ask me why ;)

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Yamanaka Ino  
Subject: _Which is also why you're such a freak._

...

WHAT!

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Uchiha Sasuke  
Subject: _NARUTO, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!_

NARUTO, JUST WHAT DID YOU TELL SASUKE? DID YOU TELL HIM THAT I LIKE HIM? 'CAUSE I SOOO DO NOT. I SWEAR IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME THINKING HE IS TOTALLY SEXY, YOU WILL DIE TONIGHT.

...

From: Uchiha Sasuke  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject: _RE: NARUTO, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!_

...What?

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Uchiha Sasuke  
Subject: _RE:__RE: NARUTO, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!_

UHH... Disregard that.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

This is bad. This is so very very BAD, Ino!

Answer my text, goddamnit!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

whoa, there! Whatsup?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

I accidentally sent a message to Sasuke saying I think he's sexy because I totally thought it was Naruto cause they're last names both start with U and then now he knows that i think he's hot and that i maybesortakinda like him...!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

...HOLY SHIT.  
...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Yeah, I know!

Ino, if I don't make it out alive, I want you to have my Coach bags and those totally hot boots I never got to wear.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

OOH! Those shoes are HAWT.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

You really don't want me to come out of this alive, do you?

...

...

...

TBC,

* * *

This is a sort of prologue, yeah?

Weird.. 'cause Tenten doesn't have horrible aim in reality. x)

Yes, yes, I started yet another one. Sorry! I couldn't resist. It's a habit. Curse my impulsive tendency to start new stories!

This was inspired by several stories. Yeah, the whole story will be told via IMs, text messages, and, of course, facebook.

Thanks for reading guyssss, you are love.

Don't like, don't read, simple as that.

Reviews are LOVE heartheartheart.

lessthanthree.


	2. partners in crime

**disclaimer: **Yeah, uh, still disclaimin'.

Yada, yada, yada. Well, that effectively wasted a few of my seconds that I have to write -type- this thing.

Be aware that this is the only chapter I will update for a while. Enjoy it while you can.

* * *

**lessthanthree**

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Wow, it's been what, 3 days? Why are you not on facebook? STILL.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

lets just say ive outgrown it

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

... Okay, who are you and where the hell is my best friend-with-huge-forehead?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

what are you talking about ino? its me, sakura. and i so do not have a huge forehead!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Mmhm, and I'm the first lady president.  
Sakura, what's wrong with you? You're not even capitalizing or punctuating. You're not the Forehead I know, who's addicted to facebook and fruit smoothies.  
And grammar.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

You're right, Ino, strangely enough...  
Yeah, this is so much better, I missed being gramatical and fruit smoothies are really good, and refreshing. It's also healthy and- I'm off topic again.  
About facebook... I've decided, I don't need it anymore.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

-GASP!- OH YOU SO DID JUST SAY THAT. HARUNO SAKURA, YOU CANNOT GIVE UP FACEBOOK. What about all the memories we shared on there? Face it, dear, it's our life.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Wow, Ino, I think that's a new personal record on speed texting!  
And, that whole facebook being our lives thing? Yeah, that doesn't sound as cool and epic as it did in your mind, Ino, sweetie.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Really? Dang, gotta time that next time.  
Yeah, I figured if I typed it out furiously on my blackberry, it would sound as awesome as it did- nevermind.  
But, anyway, what's with the facebook-ditching?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Hah, I got the time, 4.57 seconds.  
But for srsly, now's not a good time. And here's not a good place.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Oh, thanks, Forehead!  
One word: WHYNOT?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Hah, funny how you tried to turn 'why not' into one word. You just kill me, Pig.  
Just, not now. It's not secretive enough. I'll look suspicious.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

You'll only make it suspicious if you do that thing where you try to hide behind the menu and text while looking around secretively like you always do.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Fine. But I'm not telling you now.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Uh, why not?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

'Cause I'm eating the best pizza ever right now. And to be honest, your little rants are making the pizza taste not-so-great anymore. So, I'll catch up to yah laterz.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

FINE. You and your goddamn pizza.  
Chatroom. 8:00 pm, sharp. Be there, or I will hunt for you, my PIC.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

You DORK.  
And what's 'PIC'?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Partner in Crime, babe.  
And, Sakura, save me a slice of that oh-so-delicious pizza.

...

...

...

**heckyesitsINO** _has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**sakuraaafails **_has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**heckyesitsINO (8:00:09 PM): **Alright, let's get started. The PIC are present.

**sakuraaafails (8:00:16 PM):** Ino, you watch WAY too many late night cop shows.

**heckyesitsINO (8:00:31 PM):** They're the only shows on that late! Besides all the porn, guh.

**sakuraaafails (8:00:43 PM):** You insomniac.

**heckyesitsINO (8:00:55 PM):** You freak. But hey, I'm not complainin'.

**heckyesitsINO (8:00:59 PM):** Anyway, what about the facebook issue?

**sakuraaafails (8:01:07 PM):** OH RIGHT. Damn, we get sidetracked WAAAY too easily, my friend.

**sakuraaafails (8:01:11 PM):** Okay, so it's about the Sasuke thing.

**heckyesitsINO (8:01:22 PM):** ... Gee, thanks, that helps so much.

**sakuraaafails (8:01:27 PM):** UGH, fine.

**sakuraaafails (8:02:04 PM):** You know... with the Coach bags, and the boots, and the accidental message, that SHOULD have been for Naruto...

**heckyesitsINO (8:02:26 PM):** Sakura, not everyone lives in your mind, like those voices in your head, sweetie.

**sakuraaafails (8:02:30 PM):** WHAT EVER.

**sakuraaafails (8:02:35 PM):** Situation 103.

**heckyesitsINO (8:02:51 PM):** OHMYGAHHH, that one?

**sakuraaafails (8:02:58 PM):** YES, that one.

**sakuraaafails (8:03:06 PM):** I don't know how I can face him after that.

**heckyesitsINO (8:03:14 PM):** ... It's just facebook, dear, he's not looking at you.

**sakuraaafails (8:03:22 PM):** But it's weird! It's like I can feel his stare going through my screen and- Ino, I'm scared!

**heckyesitsINO (8:03:26 PM):** Get a grip, woman!

**sakuraaafails (8:03:32 PM):** And in school, it's just worse, 'cause I have him in like, 3 of my classes.

**heckyesitsINO (8:03:40 PM):** So?

**sakuraaafails (8:03:41 PM):** And he sits behind me in all of them. I FEEL his stares, Ino.

**heckyesitsINO: (8:03:56 PM):** Just. UGH. Hang in there, Sak, we'll help you.

**sakuraaafails (8:03:59 PM):** We?

**heckyesitsINO (8:04:03 PM):** The PIC, sweet cheeks.

**heckyesitsINO (8:04:06 PM):** OOH, Naruto just texted me. BBL

**sakuraaafails (8:04:51 PM):** Ino...?

**sakuraaafails (8:04:53 PM):** INO!

**sakuraaafails (8:04:54 PM):** GODDAMNIT WOMAN!

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino** the PIC unite!

...

**Nara Shikamaru** _at 8:47 pm on September 16_

Wtf?

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:47 pm on September 16_

I appreciate your determination to join, but i'm afraid this is for CHICKs only.

**Nara Shikamaru** _at 8:47 pm on September 16_

Right, like anyone is going to answer to that.

**Tenten AwesomeSauce** _at 8:49 pm September 16_

w00t! Chicks before dicks! What is it, Ino?

**Hyuuga Hinata** _at 8:50 pm September 16_

We seriously need a new call, guys...

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 8:51 pm September 16_

Okay, meeting in chatroom. Tomorrow at 6:00 pm, sharp.

**Nara Shikamaru** _at 8:52 pm September 16_

Unbelievable.

...

...

...

From: Naruto  
To: Ino

What's crackin', sugar tits?  
So is Sak still mad?

...

From: Ino  
To: Naruto

Heeeey there, sweet cheeks!  
And, well, she's more afraid than she is mad.  
But she DID send you a very ANGRY message, although it didn't actually get to you.

...

From: Naruto  
To: Ino

Well, I should avoid her when she's holding something sharp and dangerous... like a letter opener. Or scissors.

...

From: Ino  
To: Naruto

Yeah... maybe you should. So, I'll see you in the meeting tomorrow with the PIC, babe.

...

From: Naruto  
To: Ino

I'll be there. Even though I'm not even a chick.

...

...

...

**Haruno Sakura** is back?

**Yamanaka Ino**,** Uzumaki Naruto**, _and 3 others like this._

...

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 4:36 pm September 17_

OMFG, finally! Took you long enough!

**Haruno Sakura** _at 4:36 pm September 17_

Yeah, yeah, i spent like an hour in front of my laptop, just staring at it. and somehow, I ended up on facebook...

**Uchiha Sasuke** _at 4:38 pm September 17_

Where were you?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Damn, girl, you've already called me and screamed into the phone for like, 3 minutes straight.  
You should be a singer :D

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

OMG, Ino, I am NEVER going on facebook again.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Maybe I didn't read that right.  
WHAT!

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

He was gonna say it, Ino! He was gonna pop the big question!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

...He's gonna ask you to marry him?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

INO!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Ok, ok, not funny... GAWD.  
He was just wondering where you were!  
And that in its own right is amazing.  
That could only mean one thing.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

What?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

HE LIKES YOU!

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

You know what? You are the worst best friend ever!  
First the boots and now this?  
I'm beginning to think I'm only in this predicament for your amusement.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Hey I have another date with Naruto! OMFG can't wait.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Did you just ignore me?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

INOOOOOO!

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

You know what? I ATE your slice of pizza, so HA!  
Worst best friend EVER.  
I only have my pizza, my boots, and my collection of Korean dramas to comfort myself!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Oh, and Sak, before you destroy your phone, I just wanted to say that 'avoiding Sasuke' does not mean pretending to the scale the wall and acting invisible, all while humming the James Bond theme song.

...

...

...

TBC,

* * *

A/N: It's a bit short, but what the hey, I'm busy. It's a wonder I even had time to update. But I'm happy that I did. This is a development chapter and was pointless, wasnt' it?

Gah, I'm sorry about this chapter. Disappointing, huh? OH WELL. Gotta do better next time around. I didn't really like the end..

REVIEWS FOR THE POOR, and undeniably cute, teehee. Thanks, guys (:

lessthanthree


	3. life's good

**mood: **giddy  
**listening to: **Electric Feel - MGMT  
**notes: **Haven't updated in a while, so I decided to! Then, I'll go back to fidus, I swear. Thanks for the positive feedback, guys. Made my day, for seriously.

**disclaimer: **Blah. I OWN Naruto, bitches. I'm a rich Nigerian man, and I also invented the toaster.

**warning: **This, uh, chapter is quite colorful. Beware.

* * *

**lessthanthree**

**Yamanaka Ino **is on the hunt for a certain pink haired girl!

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 5:46 pm September 17_

Blah.

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 5:46 pm September 17_

OMFG, where were you! And you're on facebook :D

**Haruno Sakura** _at 5:47 pm September 17_

Uh, hello? I got detention for 'loitering' in the halls after school hours. Ugh. Shut up.

**Yamanaka Ino**_at 5:47 pm September 17_

WHAT!

**Haruno Sakura** _at 5:48 pm September 17_

You were THERE, Ino.

**Yamanaka Ino **_at 5:49 pm September 17_

I was? How'd I miss that?

**Haruno Sakura** _at 5:49 pm September 17_

Well, I was, ahem, 'scaling the walls' as you put it. And I ran into Gai-sensei and yeah... I was stuck in a room with him for an hour, Ino! I'm scarred. I think you were checking out the new guy.

**Yamanaka Ino** _at 5:50 pm September 17_

OH, right. Psh, you're just jealous. He had a GREAT ass.

**Haruno Sakura** _at 5:50 pm September 17_

Aren't you dating Naruto?

**Yamanaka Ino**_ at 5:51 pm September 17_

I wasn't cheating on him, Sakura. It's just looking.

...

...

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **wants a rematch against Neji!

...

**Hyuuga Neji **_at 5:58 pm September 17_

Hn. I've already beaten you 12 times.

**Uzumaki Naruto** _at 5:58 pm September 17_

... You actually counted? And I don't care I still want a rematch!

**Uchiha Sasuke**_ at 5:59 pm September 17_

What are you idiots talking about now?

**Hyuuga Neji**_ at 5:59 pm September 17_

I'm not an idiot. Naruto may be one, but I refuse to be insulted by the likes of you, Uchiha.

**Uzumaki Naruto**_ at 6:00 pm September 17_

STREET FIGHTER 4. Aw shit, brb.

**Uchiha Sasuke** _at 6:00 pm September 17_

What, is he late for a some chick meeting?

**Hyuuga Neji** _at 6:01 pm September 17_

Probably.

...

...

...

**heckyesitsINO **_has entered the chatroom._

...

**iLikeBuns **_has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**missxHina **_has entered the chatroom._

...

**iLikeBuns (6:00:08 PM):** Well that's everyone right?

**missxHina (6:00:12 PM):** Yep.

**heckyesitsINO (6:00:29 PM):** No, wait for Naruto.

**iLikeBuns (6:00:34 PM):** NARUTO!

**missxHina (6:00:37 PM): **Huh?

**iLikeBuns (6:00:54 PM)**: WTF! It's a GIRL meeting, Ino! You even said so yourself!

**heckyesitsINO (6:01:05 PM):** Actually, it's just IMPLIED. Plus, he's part of the problem.

**iLikeBuns (6:01:16 PM):** But he's so... simple-minded! And kinda annoying if you ask me...

...

**Nooodles **_has entered the chatroom._

...

**iLikeBuns (6:01:20 PM):** Oh, HEY, Naruto!

**heckyesitsINO (6:01:27 PM):** Hiya, handsome ;)

**missxHina (6:01:31 PM):** Hello, Naruto!

**Nooodles (6:01:49 PM):** Yo. I'm not late, am I?

**iLikeBuns (6:01:52 PM):** Of course not!

**heckyesitsINO (6:01:55 PM):** Suck up.

**Nooodles (6:01:58 PM): **huh?

**missxHina (6:02:06 PM):** Just ignore it. That's what I do.

**Nooodles (6:02:10 PM): **Okaaay...

**heckyesitsINO (6:02:22 PM):** Anyway, on with business.

**iLikeBuns (6:02:28 PM):** What are we here for anyway?

**heckyesitsINO (6:02:47 PM):** ... I'm not sure.

**iLikeBuns (6:02:52 PM): **WHAT!

**missxHina (6:02:59 PM):** Sigh.

**Nooodles (6:03:04 PM):** Er. I don't get it.

**missxHina (6:03:11 PM):** Remember, just ignore it, Naruto-kun.

**Nooodles (6:03:17 PM):** Okay?

**iLikeBuns (6:03:31 PM): **You do NOT abuse the CALL like that, you bitch!

**heckyesitsINO (6:03:38 PM):** Excuse me? I know what I'm doing, skank!

**iLikeBuns (6:03:41 PM):** Slut!

**heckyesitsINO (6:03:44 PM): **Whore!

**iLikeBuns (6:03:47 PM):** Stupid ho!

**heckyesitsINO (6:03:52 PM):** Cunt faced hag!

**iLikeBuns (6:03:57 PM):** You suck dick for a living!

**heckyesitsINO (6:04:00 PM):** You swallow!

**missxHina (6:04:01 PM):** UGH.

**Nooodles (6:04:08 PM):** Dude. I left Street Fighter for this?

**missxHina (6:04:14 PM):** This is SUCH a waste of time...

...

...

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **wrote on **Haruno Sakura**'s wall.

Did you get Kakashi's hw?

...

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:02 pm September 17_

Why do you always ask me for homework, HM?

**Uchiha Sasuke **_at 6:04 pm September 17_

Because I need it.

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:04 pm September 17_

Well, I'm not going to give it to you, OKAY! Gawd, just leave me alone!

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:05 pm September 17_

... pg. 245, numbers 13-67 odds.

**Uchiha Sasuke **_at 6:06 pm September 17_

Thanks.

**Haruno Sakura **_at 6:06 pm September 17_

HN.

...

**Haruno Sakura **Life sucks balls.

**Uzumaki Naruto **_likes this._

_..._

**Inbox (1)**

From: Uchiha Sasuke  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject: _No subject_

Sorry for bothering you.

I won't ask for homework anymore if you're so annoyed by it.

...

From: Haruno Sakura  
To: Uchiha Sasuke  
Subject: _There IS a subject, you know._

I'm not bothered by it, Sasuke.

It's just... I'm weird lately.

...

From: Uchiha Sasuke  
To: Haruno Sakura  
Subject: _NO SUBJECT!_

You're always weird...

But I like it.

...

**Haruno Sakura **Life's good :)

...

...

...

TBC,

* * *

a/n: I just posted my horror fic, so I needed to cheer myself up with a nice crack-ish story :)

I think I'll losing my charm. This isn't funny ):

Tell me your thoughts please :D


	4. raging hormones

I know, I've been MIA for a while, but I promise I'll make it up to you people. Somehow.

The Facebook layout changed, as you all are aware of, so I'll go along with it.

**random fact: **I'm planning on writing a NaruIno. I don't know, they seem like a fun couple.

**disclaimer: **For all you know, I could be Masashi Kishimoto in his newly English-mastering self. Heh, heh. No really, I'm just a girl; leave me alone!

* * *

**lessthanthree**

**september 18**

...

**Jiraiya Jazzpants **has completed the latest edition of the Icha Icha series!

**Hatake Kakashi **_likes this._

...

**Tsunade **Ugh, you men. And Jiraiya, please explain the significance of your 'surname'.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Yo, old man, can I get a copy, pretty please?

**Jiraiya Jazzpants **what's wrong with my last name? And Naruto, you're still under age.

**Uzumaki Naruto **But I'm 17 ):

**Hatake Kakashi **YES, when can I get one of those?

**Jiraiya Jazzpants **soon, my friend, soon.

**Uzumaki Naruto **WHAT. SENSEI, YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK?

_View all 12 comments._

**Tsunade **Take responsibility for once! Jesus, you call yourselves teachers?

...

**Uzumaki Naruto** is now friends with **Hatake Kakashi**.

**Jiraiya Jazzpants **_likes this._

_..._

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Well that's not creepy at all.

**Hatake Kakashi **You looking for detention, missie?

**Haruno Sakura **Please, you're just still depressed that no one said Happy Birthday to you 3 days ago.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Dat's fecked up. I said happy bday to him!

**Hatake Kakashi **... Naruto, you said happy birthday to Zaku... during my class.

**Uzumaki Naruto **...oh. Well shit.

...

**Tenten Awesomesauce **just got fired )':

**Hyuuga Neji **_likes this._

...

**Haruno Sakura** Just where the hell is the dislike button?

**Hyuuga Hinata** That sucks! Sorry, Tenten ):

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Neji's such a jerk! He pressed 'like!'

**Hyuuga Neji** I did not. Well, not on purpose anyway.

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Really?

**Hyuuga Neji** Really.

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Really.

**Hyuuga Neji** REALLY.

View all 76 comments.

**Tenten Awesomesauce** REALLY?

**Hyuuga Neji** REALLY!

**Yamanaka Ino** OKAY, you guys are crowdin' up my wall/notifications! ARE YOU DONE YET?

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Well, INO, that's none of your concern. And I'm still mad at you.

**Yamanaka Ino **Well, excuse me if your guys' overflowing sexual tension affects me.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **WHAT? Sexual tension? Really?

**Yamanaka Ino** Really!

**Tenten Awesomesauce** REALLY?

**Haruno Sakura** -face palm-

...

**Inuzuka Kiba **– **Hyuuga Hinata**:

Hey. Me. You. Movie. Y/Y?

...

**Hyuuga Hinata **Absolutely not. Get off this webpage.

**Inuzuka Kiba **aww what ):

**Tenten Awesomesauce **NEJI, GET OFF OF HINATA'S FACEBOOK.

**Hyuuga Hinata **What are you talking about, Tenten?

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Keep tryin', but I know it's not Hinata!

**Inuzuka Kiba** /officially confused.

**Hyuuga Hinata** Seriously, what's going on?

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Hinata's right next to me, see? Hi Neji- nii san! Uhm, sure I'll go with you, Kiba.

**Hyuuga Hinata** Damn.

**Inuzuka Kiba** SWEET.

**Hyuuga Hinata** Make one wrong move and I'll personally make sure you can never have children, Inuzuka.

**Tenten Awesomesauc**e Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties in a bunch, Neji.

...

...

...

**september 19**

...

**Haruno Sakura** is tired of basketball conditioning. So sore! And I talked to a cute guy :)))

**Yamanaka Ino**,** Tenten Awesomesauce**, _and 4 others like this._

...

**Yamanaka Ino** For seriously! We have freakin' Anko for a coach. She's beast. And who is this guy?

**Tenten Awesomesauce** It's a good kind of pain, though. Guy? Is he really hot? And does he happen to like boyish girls with the buns hairstyle?

**Yamanaka Ino** Oh, if it isn't Tenten. And NO ONE likes those types of girls. Except for Neji.

**Hyuuga Neji **Excuse me?

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Hello, Ino. Ha, sure. And what does Neji have to do with this?

**Yamanaka Ino** He has everything to do with this. And I see you like pain, you sadist.

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Just like you like switching up boys every few weeks, whore. When do you plan on ditching Naruto, huh?

**Yamanaka Ino** When do you plan on fucking Neji, huh?

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Oh it is on.

**Yamanaka Ino** It's been on.

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Yeah?

**Yamanaka Ino** YEAH.

**Tenten Awesomesauce** Really?

**Yamanaka Ino** Really.

View all 23 comments.

...

**Haruno Sakura** thinks both her friends are crazy bitches.

**Uzumaki Naruto** _likes this._

...

**Tenten Awesomesauce** is like, stay out of it, Sakura.

...

**Yamanaka Ino** agrees that Sakura shouldn't be so nosy and annoying.

...

**Haruno Sakura** I'm annoying? I'm sorry, did you say I'M annoying?

...

**Uchiha Sasuke** is actually you ARE kind of annoying.

...

**Haruno Sakura** Oh look, the mighty Uchiha Sasuke finally makes his appearance and it's to mock me?

...

**Uchiha Sasuke** was just voicing my opinion.

...

**Haruno Sakura** is well no one needs to know about your opinion!

...

**Uzumaki Naruto** is ooh dis is gettin goooood.

**Yamanaka Ino** _likes this._

...

**Uchiha Sasuke** is what's up with your mood swings. PMS much?

...

**Haruno Sakura** thinks Sasuke gets his period too!

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **You're weird.

...

**Haruno Sakura** well you said you liked it!

...

**Uchiha Sasuke** is not the one that thinks I'm 'sexy'.

...

**Haruno Sakura** HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT UP, YOU JERK!

...

**Uchiha Sasuke** thinks Sakura is over reacting and needs to calm down.

...

**Haruno Sakura** doesn't give a flying fuck about what Uchiha Sasuke thinks!

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **thinks you do!

...

**Haruno Sakura **is HA! Yea right.

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **well then, go hang out with that oh-so 'cute' guy who's probably just some horny kid.

...

**Haruno Sakura **WHAT? What do you care about Suigetsu?

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **Oh, so that's his name?

...

**Haruno Sakura **Go away, Sasuke! You're such a prick.

...

**Uchiha Sasuke** is fine then.

...

**Haruno Sakura** is what's that supposed to mean?

...

**Haruno Sakura** SASUKE?

...

**Haruno Sakura** DON'T JUST LEAVE ME IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT! SASUKE!

...

**Haruno Sakura** FINE THEN, DOUCHE!

...

**Hatake Kakashi** Teenagers.

**Tsunade **_likes this._

...

...

...

**september 21**

...

**Yamanaka Ino **Yay, my birthday's in 2 days, people! Start counting down!

**Haruno Sakura**,** Hyuuga Hinata**, **Uzumaki Naruto**, _and 6 others like this._

...

**Haruno Sakura **w00t! 18 at last!

**Yamanaka Ino **YES, now we can hit it up at the 18+ night clubs!

**Hyuuga Hinata **I'd love to and all, but I kind of want to stay part of the Hyuuga family. My dad would totally disown me.

**Hyuuga Neji **You're damn right he would.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Okay, Nanny, go ruin someone else's social life. BTW, even though I'm still mad at you, and still think you're a total bitch, happy soon-to-be birthday, Ino.

**Yamanaka Ino **Why thank you, Tenten. And I still think you're a psycho sadistic hag, but I love you.

**Haruno Sakura **Awww isn't that better?

**Yamanaka Ino **You're nosy-ness is still annoying though, dear.

**Haruno Sakura **D:

**Nara Shikamaru **What are we counting down to? The end of the world?

**Yamanaka Ino **Ha, what ever Shikamaru; take your negativity somewhere else.

**Nara Shikamaru **My birthday's tomorrow, y'know...

**Yamanaka Ino **I know... But you didn't really expect anything from me, right? Hahaha.

**Nara Shikamaru **... Yeah, heh, right...

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **– **Yamanaka Ino**

How bout we do something special for your birthday? (;

...

**Yamanaka Ino **;)

**Haruno Sakura **Oh my god! Sicko!

**Hyuuga Hinata **asldjhasdlhasj D:

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Way to keep it PG.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Since when did going out for ramen become rated R?

**Yamanaka Ino **-_- I thought it'd be something like that.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Hey, Ino... did you see Sasuke yesterday or today?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Nope, I don't have any classes with him. Why?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

I don't know, I usually see him walking around. And he gives me that look, y'know. Or he'll sometimes find reasons to make me uncomfortable. But I haven't seen him lately.

And I don't like the fact that I practically feel your sly look right now.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Well, what got ya thinkin' girl?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

...Idk, I think I got him mad a couple days back...

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Well, there really isn't a problem. He's probably just PMS-ing, right? Haha.

It's not like you miss him or anything right?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

But the thing is... I think I DO miss him.

...

...

...

TBC,

* * *

A/N: Oooh, and things start to how should we say this... pick up? I don't know! Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that bit.

Oh, and sensing some ShikaIno there? Eh?

Happy Holidays! :D


	5. drowning in rivers

OHMYJEEZAS. I'm so sorry for disappearing for like, over a year. I wanted to update this for a while, but facebook keeps changing (THOSE BASTARDS!). Anyway, I've finally brought myself here to update. Hopefully my lovely readers are still with me. Are you all still there? /cries.

Also, sorry if it's not funny. It's been a while, so I'm a bit rusty with my crack and humor ):

**random fact: **I want a mustache ring, hm.

**disclaimer: **Do we have to go through this every single chapter? Really? REALLY?

* * *

**lessthanthree**

**september 22**

...

**Orochimaru **is now friends with **Uchiha Sasuke **and **7 other people**.

**Yakushi Kabuto **_likes this._

_..._

_..._

_..._

**Orochimaru **► **Uchiha Sasuke**

Hello, Sasuke-kun (;

...

**Orochimaru **Sasuke-kun?

**Orochimaru **Sasuke-kun, please answer me!

**Hatake Kakashi **Should I report this?

...

...

...

**Aburame Shino **is now friends with **Uzumaki Naruto **and **32 other people**.

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **Wait, who's Shino again?

**Inuzuka Kiba **Dude. He's in our chem class, bro.

**Uzumaki Naruto **WHAT. SERIOUSLY?

**Aburame Shino **Naruto, you should remember the names of your classmates. Why? Because it would hurt their feelings when they add you on facebook, and you don't recognize them.

**Uzumaki Naruto **HOLY SHIT. YOU'RE MY LAB PARTNER.

**Aburame Shino **That's right. But I'm afraid it's too late to remember. Why? Because you already hurt my feelings.

...

...

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **► **Inuzuka Kiba**

This guy is kinda creeping me out.

...

**Aburame Shino **You should have these types of conversations in private. Why? Because I can read everything. You should be careful in chemistry class from now on, Uzumaki Naruto.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Kibaaaa help me D:

...

...

...

**Haruno Sakura **and **46 others **wrote on **Nara Shikamaru**'s wall.

...

**Haruno Sakura **Happy Birthday, Shikamaru! (:

**Hyuuga Hinata **I hope you have a happy birthday today ^^

**Akimichi Chouji **HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO! LET'S GO EAT BBQ!

...

...

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Hey aren't you gonna say happy bday to shikamaru?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

why should I?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Well... he's your friend, right?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

i guess, but he's a jerk!  
END OF STORY. NO MORE. CUT. THAT'S IT. BLAH.  
Anyway, what's up with you and Sasuke?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

What? There's nothing going on between us.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

What ever, Miss I'm-totally-drowning-in-denial. You even said you miss him.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Shut up. I lied.

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino **

I need to find a job ):

**Haruno Sakura **_likes this._

...

**Tenten Awesomesauce **well I HAD a job ):

**Hyuuga Neji **That wasn't my fault.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **I didn't even say it was your fault! Even though it kinda is.

**Hyuuga Neji **How so? I just happened to be there.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **OHOHOHO, so you're telling me that your precense there wasn't a distraction at all?

**Hyuuga Neji **Exactly. It was entirely your fault that you didn't meet the requirements to work there.

**Hyuuga Neji **Also, you spelled "presence" wrong.

**Hyuuga Neji **Just saying.

...

...

...

**Tenten Awesomesauce **

Neji needs to crawl into a dark hole and DIE.

**Yamanaka Ino **_likes this._

...

**Hyuuga Hinata **I'm sure Nii-san didn't mean to be rude...

**Yamanaka Ino **Tch, boys. Let's all go to Sakura's house and vent about it.

**Haruno Sakura **Wait wait wait, why my house?

**Yamanaka Ino **'cause Tenten is obviously going to explode and break a couple pieces of furniture, and you know, my birthday is tomorrow, so I don't want my parents to ruin any of my plans by locking me up forever.

**Haruno Sakura **So we're going to MY house so she can break MY things and have MY parents kill ME?

**Yamanaka Ino **Yes (: so happy we all understand.

**Haruno Sakura **BUT BUT MY HOUSE

**Yamanaka Ino **Fine, fine, you crybaby. I'll think of something.

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino **► **Uzumaki Naruto **

Hey babes, can I come over to your house today?

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **Sure?

**Yamanaka Ino **Thanks, cutie (; and I'm gonna bring some of my friends over.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Yeah go ahead. We're just having a small party for Shikamaru's birthday

**Yamanaka Ino **btw is Sasuke gonna be there?

**Uzumaki Naruto **Yeah why?

**Yamanaka Ino **Oh, no reason in particular.

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino **

PIC UNITE! CHATROOM ASAP.

...

**Haruno Sakura **I swear, if this is another waste of time, I'm gonna get you clothes from Wal-Mart for your birthday.

**Yamanaka Ino **Calm yo titties, girl. I promise, it won't be a waste of time (;

...

...

...

**heckyesitsINO **_has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**sakuraaafails **_has entered the chatroom._

...

**missxHina **_has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**heckyesitsINO: **Okay, now that we're all here...

**sakuraaafails: **wait where's Tenten?

**heckyesitsINO: **she's probably just punching a tree or something.

**heckyesitsINO: **Anywaaaay, we're all going to Naruto's house later.

**missxHina: **huh? why?

**heckyesitsINO: **because Tenten needs a healthier way to vent, Naruto doesn't mind it, and Sasuke's gonna be there.

**sakuraaafails: **...

**heckyesitsINO: **don't "..." me. You're going, forehead.

**sakuraaafails: **If Sasuke's there, I'm not going.

**heckyesitsINO: **PARTY FOUL.

**heckyesitsINO: **What do you think, Hina? wanna go?

**missxHina: **uhm.. well, I don't know...

...

**hyuugaEYES** _has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**hyuugaEYES: **Hinata, what ever these girls are telling you to do, don't do it.

**heckyesitsINO: **WTF, NEJI. GTFO

**sakuraaafails: **...how did he even get in here?

**missxHina: **UHMM..

**hyuugaEYES: **Stop corrupting my cousin, Yamanaka.

**heckyesitsINO: **How did you get in here, you creeper!

**hyuugaEYES: **It was easy enough to find this chatroom. And figuring out the password was even easier.

**hyuugaEYES: **"princessino" was rather obvious.

**sakuraaafails: **GOD DAMMIT, INO.

**heckyesitsINO: **GO TO HELL, NEJI.

**hyuugaEYES: **Where's Tenten?

**heckyesitsINO: **She's not here, stalker. So please, LEAVE.

**hyuugaEYES: **Be good, Hinata. I'm watching you.

**heckyesitsINO: **OMG, NEJI, SRSLY.

**heckyesitsINO: **You

**heckyesitsINO:** are

**heckyesitsINO: **so

...

**hyuugaEYES **_has left the chatroom._

_..._

**heckyesitsINO: **... OH HE DID NOT JUST LEAVE WHILE I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING MODERATELY INSULTING.

**sakuraaafails: **ugh, /facepalm.

...

...

...

**Tenten Awesomesauce **

ah, I feel so much better after punching that tree (:

...

**Hyuuga Neji **That's not frightening at all.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **I'll give you 30 seconds to get off my facebook status before that tree turns into you.

...

...

...

**Haruno Sakura **is now friends with **Hozuki Suigetsu**.

...

**Hozuki Suigetsu **► **Haruno Sakura**

Hey, you're on the basketball team right?

...

**Haruno Sakura **Well I'm conditioning it for it, haha.

**Hozuki Suigetsu **Oh, cool. I'm on the swim team.

**Haruno Sakura **Nice, sounds tiring, though.

**Hozuki Suigetsu **It is, but it's what I love. Anyway, I'll see you around some time (:

**Haruno Sakura **Yeah, definitely!

...

...

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **

We have a swim team?

...

**Tsunade **I expected you, of all kids, to know about our school's extensive sports programs, Uchiha.

**Tsunade **Do you realize how much I spend to keep our programs?

**Tsunade **You wouldn't know, would you? That's right.

**Tsunade **So learn to appreciate my efforts, you ingrate!

...

...

...

**Uchiha Sasuke**

Why do I have our school principal as a friend on facebook?

...

**Inuzuka Kiba **Dude. Same here. Wtf.

...

...

...

**Nara Shikamaru**

Thanks for the birthday party, bros.

**Uzumaki Naruto **_and_ **Akimichi Chouji **_like this._

_..._

**Uzumaki Naruto **Next time, let's hit it up for my birthday, bros.

**Inuzuka Kiba **Fine. I'll just kick your ass at Black Ops again.

**Uzumaki Naruto **What ever, dude. I was totally playing with one hand the whole time.

**Hyuuga Neji **What were you doing with your other hand, jacking off?

**Uzumaki Naruto **STFU NEJI. You weren't even there, asswipe.

**Akimichi Chouji **he was jacking off Kiba with his free hand.  
_1 person likes this._

**Uchiha Sasuke **Nice.

**Rock Lee **Next time, allow me to battle you in Street Fighter, Naruto!

**Aburame Shino **Naruto, why was I not invited?

**Uzumaki Naruto **...

**Haruno Sakura **clean up your house more Naruto!  
_4 people like this._

_..._

_..._

_..._

**Haruno Sakura **

I think there's a pimple forming on my nose ):

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **How attractive.

**Haruno Sakura **Take your sarcasm else where, Uchiha.

**Uchiha Sasuke **Hn.

**Haruno Sakura **SHUT UP, SASUKE.

**Yamanaka Ino **Boy, you do NOT talk about a girl's pimples.

**Uchiha Sasuke **She brought it up first.

**Yamanaka Ino **DOESN'T MEAN YOU GO AND COMMENT ABOUT IT. JERK.

...

...

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **

Women are annoying.

**Hyuuga Neji **_and _**Nara Shikamaru **_like this._

...

...

...

**Messages (1)**

**Yamanaka Ino  
**Girl, I saw you glancing at Sasuke the whole time at the party. Don't even TRY to deny it.

**Haruno Sakura  
**What're you talking about, pig? And I'm not denying anything. I was simply interested in Naruto's choice of wallpaper.

**Yamanaka Ino  
**Oh right, in the exact area where ONLY Sasuke was sitting.

**Haruno Sakura  
** It was a COINCIDENCE. I just glanced at him 'cause I caught him glaring me, okay? And what, you were totally flirting with Shikamaru the whole time!

**Yamanaka Ino  
**I WHAT? I WAS NOT. I was only inviting him to my birthday party tomorrow. That's it. He's just a friend. GAWD LEAVE ME ALONE. And Sasuke glares at everyone.

**Haruno Sakura  
**Look who's in denial now. Ohohoho. But the way he was glaring at me... I can't even describe it! I couldn't make eye contact without feeling like he wanted to stab me or something.

**Yamanaka Ino  
**STFU, BETCH. Don't turn the situation on me. And Sak, you just want to feel like the glare he's giving you is special 'cause it's you, right?

**Haruno Sakura  
**PSH, NOT EVEN. He needs to stop being so damn angry all the time, 'cause it makes me think he hates me. BTW, the party was fun and all, but we didn't really go through with our plan for Tenten to vent right?

**Yamanaka Ino  
**... You're right, actually... Tenten didn't even go.

**Haruno Sakura  
**UGH. Also, Ino, is it sad that I'm a tiny bit happy Sasuke doesn't totally hate my guts 'cause he commented on my status, despite the fact that he looked extremely pissed the whole time at the party?

**Yamanaka Ino  
**Well, seeing as it was about your emerging pimple, yes, it is kinda sad.

...

...

...

**Hyuuga Neji **► **Hyuuga Hinata**

Hinata, what did you do at the party? You didn't do anything bad right? Did you get drunk? High? Do you have a tattoo now?

...

**Hyuuga Hinata **No, Neji nii-san, I'm perfectly normal.

**Yamanaka Ino **Calm down, Neji. Stop being such a mom.

**Uzumaki Naruto **... Hinata was there?

**Hyuuga Hinata **Um.. Yes. I was.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Well shit. Sorry!

**Inuzuka Kiba **Dumbass. Did you see me kick his ass, Hinata? :D

**Hyuuga Hinata **Haha, I don't really know how to play, so...

**Hyuuga Neji **Why must you nuisances appear when I clearly only asked Hinata?

**Inuzuka Kiba** REALLY? Then how bout I teach you sometime?

**Hyuuga Hinata **Are you sure, Kiba? I'm a little slow at learning things.

**Hyuuga Neji **You may not, Hinata. YOU WATCH IT, INUZUKA.

**Inuzuka Kiba **Yeah, don't even worry about it.

**Hyuuga Neji **Did you see my comment, Inuzuka? I'm warning you.

**Hyuuga Hinata **SURE! If it's okay with you (:

**Hyuuga Kiba **Aight, we'll just crash at Naruto's then, since he's borrowing my game.

**Hyuuga Neji **STOP IGNORING ME.

**Hyuuga Hinata **sounds great, Kiba ^^

**Hyuuga Neji **ALASJDHljkasdhlKJHSDLkjsad

...

...

...

From: Ino  
To: Shikamaru

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JERK IDIOT BUTTFACE. OKAY THAT'S ALL. BYE.

...

From: Shikamaru  
To: Ino

Uh.. thanks? Anyway, it's 12AM already. It's not my birthday anymore.

...

From: Ino  
To: Shikamaru

Look again, smart ass! I sent it at exactly 11:59PM! So HA!

...

From: Shikamaru  
To: Ino

Oh wow... you did.  
Thanks, you troublesome woman.

...

From: Ino  
To: Shikamaru

Heh, be grateful I remembered, pineapple head.

...

From: Shikamaru  
To: Ino

What ever, I'm grateful.  
Oh, and Ino?

...

From: Ino  
To: Shikamaru

Hm?

...

From: Shikamaru  
To: Ino

Even though you're annoying, and you nag a lot, and I think you're crazy,  
Happy Birthday to you too.

...

...

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

OMG. OMFG.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

What, what?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

My heart.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

YOUR HEART WHAT?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

My heart just skipped a beat.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

WHY? What happened? Naruto get you a new Louis Vuiton bag or something?

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

NO, YOU IDIOT. SHIKAMARU MADE MY HEART SKIP A BEAT. MY FRIEND, SHIKAMARU. MY PLATONIC FRIEND, SHIKAMARU. THE BORING LAZY LOSER WHO HAS PINEAPPLE HAIR, SHIKAMARU. MADE. MY. HEART. SKIP A BEAT.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

... Wow.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

YEAH.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Well, good luck with that.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

SAKURA, YOU TRAITOR.

...

...

...

**Messages (1)**

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**hw?

**Haruno Sakura  
**Why do you only ask me for hw? Why can't it be other people? I'm not some hw machine or what ever. YOU CAN'T KEEP USING ME LIKE THIS. Do you even realize this is a strange time to be asking me for hw?

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**I ask you for hw because unlike the other losers in our class, you're intelligent enough to actually do it. Also, this is my only free time.

**Haruno Sakura  
**Was that supposed to be a compliment?

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**I was stating a fact.

**Haruno Sakura  
**What ever, smart ass. And why were you totally giving me the look of death at the party earlier?

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**To get your attention.

**Haruno Sakura  
**Well that's stupid.

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**Did it work?

**Haruno Sakura  
**Yes.

...

...

...

TBC,

* * *

a/n: Finally done /exhausted. UGH, I'm so rusty ): It's not even funny.

I'm really sorry this took over a year to update, LOL. Anyway, I've decided to open a small contest as an apology, for those of you who are still there.

**THE I'M-SO-SORRY-FOR-BEING-DEAD-FOR-SO-LONG CONTEST**

**start: now  
end: when next chapter is posted  
what to do: review and include the phrase/word "lessthanthree" before the next chapter is posted  
****prize: a gift!fic (oneshot only) of your choice written by me  
notes: winner will be chosen randomly and PMed. in return, PM me back with the information about the gift!fic**  
**rules:  
****01. please do not leave a review that just has "lessthanthree." it will be ignored.  
02. for now, anonymous entries are accepted, but it would be easier if you had an account. either way, the prize will be published from my account.  
03. if you are the winner, do put thought into the gift!fic you want, and make sure it is possible for me to write  
04. the gift!fic will, of course, be about Naruto**

**Have any questions? Please ask in your review or PM me!**

I'm sorry, that's the most I can offer TT TT It would be super embarrassing if I get no entries, uhuhuhu.

And I'm NOT doing this to get reviews. It's just 'cause I have some time now, and I owe my readers a lot.


	6. texts from last night

Paste your document he

Dude. I freaking love you guys. Like, forreal though. I read each and every one of my reviews thoughtfully. Thank you, beautiful readers. Yah done good.

Oh right. The winner of the mini-contest thingy is **anticollision**! Congrats! You were successfully chosen randomly! (insert cheering crowd)

Also, I went back and changed some of the characters'(_coughcough_NARUTOandKIBAetc_cough_) level of retardedness by fixing their way of typing. Just 'cause I can.

**random fact: **I am so addicted to "texts from last night" right now. IDEK. So I used some of them in this chapter. Because they were that worthy. Seriously. See if you can find which ones they are (:

**disclaimer: **If I owned Naruto, neither Itachi nor Deidara would be fucking DEAD right now, okay? Okay. Also, I don't own any quotes from "texts from last night." That is all.

**warning: This chapter contains some Mature content: language, partying, and many, many illegal and outright disturbing things. So if bothers you in any way, please do not read and proceed to the next chapter.**

* * *

**lessthanthree**

**september 23**

...

**Haruno Sakura **and **142 others **wrote on **Yamanaka Ino**'s wall.

...

**Haruno Sakura **HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, PIG FACE. You're finally old enough to go to strip clubs. Legally anyway.

**Hyuuga Hinata **Happy Birthday, Ino (:

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Now that I'm not pissed at your ass anymore... HELL YES. Happy birthday, betch. Let's party.

_View all._

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino**

It's Saturday, my birthday, and we gon' party it up at my place laterrr!

**Uzumaki Naruto **_likes this._

_..._

**Inuzuka Kiba **Yo I got the drinks

**Akimichi Chouji **One question: Will there be BBQ?

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Which stripper did you want, Ino? Just in case, I already booked the firefighter guy and the one with a top hat and a monocle.

**Yamanaka Ino **Thanks Kiba! Yes, Chouji. And those are fine, Tenten, but don't forget the slightly-forceful kidnapping one.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **OH RIGHT. That's what I was missing. Got it.

**Nara Shikamaru **... What. the. hell.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Kiba, I'll bring some drinks too, bro!

**Nara Shikamaru **Does this not bother you at all, Naruto?

**Uzumaki Naruto **That depends... Do they have penises...?

**Nara Shikamaru **I'm pretty sure they do.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Then, yes. It does bother me.

_..._

_..._

_..._

**Uzumaki Naruto**

Renamed my ipod "the titanic" so when I plug it in it says "the titanic is syncing." Best. Decision. Ever.

...

**Hyuuga Neji **You probably think you're really cool for doing that, huh?

**Uzumaki Naruto **Yes. Yes I do.

...

...

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

What time are you heading to Ino's? I'm already here to help set up.

**...**

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

I'm not going, idiot.

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

WTF. WHY NOT?

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

She's your girlfriend. Why do I have to go too?

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

Sakura's gonna be there.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

So what.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

Be there in 5. If not, read this again.

...

...

...

To: Ino  
From: Sakura

PIG, WHERE ARE YOU? I've been attacked by 3 strippers since I got here. WTF DUDE. STRIPPERS? SERIOUSLY?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

ohhh you're heeeeeere yaaaaaaaaay

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

Yeah, and it looks insane in here. Who are all these people?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

you know i'm not really sure.

...

To: Ino  
From: Sakura

Ugh, you are SO going to hell for this.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

just shut up and have fun, sak. serrriouslyyy. OH MY GOD LOOK IT'S A UNICORN

...

To: Ino  
From: Sakura

... Just how much did you drink?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

sakura look! the unicorn is singing to me in german!

...

To: Ino  
From: Sakura

This is so illegal.

...

...

...

To: Everyone  
From: Shikamaru

This is a mass text:  
Okay, WHO THE FUCK brought the weed brownies and didn't tell us they weren't regular brownies?

...

...

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

dude.

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

Dude.

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

DUDE.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

WHAT?

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

dude... sasuke... you have to try the brownies... they're fucking phenomenal. i've had like 6 of them already

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

I know. You're sitting right next to me, you dumbass.

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

i think it would be like really awesome if scientists could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

Wtf did they put in those brownies?

...

...

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Neji

Chouji's stuck in the dryer.

...

To: Neji  
From: Shikamaru

AGAIN?

...

...

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

WHERE ARE YOU HINATA AND PLEASE DON'T BE DRUNK OUT OF YOUR MIND

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

HINATA?

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

HINATAAAAAAA

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

GOD DAMMIT

...

...

...

To: Neji  
From: Naruto

man lee is a drkunen master! dude i think i just saw a pterodactyl walk passed me

...

To: Naruto  
From: Neji

I find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right.

...

...

...

To: Naruto  
From: Naruto

FSJDKFHKLSJ GRILLED CHEESE

...

...

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

feck i'm so wasted i just drunk texted myself

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

I didn't even know that was possible.

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

dude dude i just invented a new food. cheese-less grilled cheese. I'M A FUCKING GENIUS

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

Congratulations. You made toast.

...

...

...

To: Kiba  
From: Shikamaru

I just saw you trying cleaning Ino's kitchen with a chair. How drunk are you right now?

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Kiba

toaster

...

...

...

To: Tenten  
From: Neji

What are you doing?

...

To: Neji  
From: Tenten

dancinggg

...

To: Tenten  
From: Neji

With a toilet seat.

...

To: Neji  
From: Tenten

shhh i think he likes me

...

To: Tenten  
From: Neji

...You are a disturbed woman.

...

To: Neji  
From: Tenten

come join us nejiiii

...

To: Tenten  
From: Neji

HELL NO.

...

...

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Sakura

Why are Neji and Tenten dancing with a toilet seat?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Shikamaru

I don't know. But I think Sasuke's drunk.

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Sakura

Seriously?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Shikamaru

Seriously.

...

...

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Sakura

Sasuke, please don't tell me you're drunk too?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Sasuke

where the hell are the tomatoes?

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Sakura

...What? Why?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Sasuke

i need tomatoes to make my spaghetti

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Sakura

/facepalm

...

...

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Sakura

He's trying to make spaghetti.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Shikamaru

Wtf, seriously?

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Sakura

Seriously.

...

...

...

To: Ino  
From: Shikamaru

I think you should know that Lee has just broken your dining table.

...

To: Ino  
From: Shikamaru

INO.

...

To: Ino  
From: Shikamaru

God, you are so troublesome.

...

...

...

To: Sakura  
From: Hinata

Sakura, where are you?

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

OHMYGOD YES YOU'RE NOT DRUNK. Why didn't you answer any of my texts?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Hinata

Sorry! Kiba grabbed my phone and hid it in a cereal box. He said I had to find the free toy. Don't ask.

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

s'okay. I'm just happy there's somewhere here who hasn't completely lost their mind.  
Oh and btw, your cousin is dancing with a toilet seat.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Hinata

...Interestinggg...

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

Yeah. And Sasuke's trying to make spaghetti. Have you seen Naruto anywhere?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Hinata

Er... strange. But no I haven't.

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

Alright. I'll look for Naruto, you look for Ino and try to control her.

...

...

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

Where the hell are you, Naruto?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

hiiiiiiii sakuraaaaaaa i'm at mcdonalds. want anything?

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

Wtf are you doing at McDonald's? And you DROVE?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

no i walked. and i'm trying to order ramen but these douches wont serve me

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

UGH, just get your ass back here before you get arrested.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

on my way here i waited 10 minutes for the stop sign to turn green. I NEED TO STOP EATING THOSE BROWNIES.

...

...

...

**Hyuuga Neji**

i got my period!

...

**Hyuuga Neji**

and sasuke is hot

...

**Hyuuga Neji**

so is kiba

...

...

...

To: Kiba; Sasuke  
From: Neji

I hate you guys.

...

...

...

To: Sakura  
From: Hinata

I found Ino. She's sitting in the bathroom crying and hugging her shoes.

...

To: Hinata  
From: Sakura

Alright. Just watch her. I'll be there in a bit.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Hinata

Mmkay. afterwards, i need to drive Lee home before he breaks anything else.

...

...

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

shit i got pulled over by the cops. i'm walking in the middle of the night, holding a mcdonald's bag and a mcflurry. this should be interesting

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

They pulled you over while you were walking back?

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

And you actually bought McDonald's?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

only cause i was hungry and they said they'd give me a free mcflurry if i left. AWWWYEEAAA

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

So what happened with the cop?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

i made him pinky promise me not to arrest me for public drunkenness cause i told him my parents died. and i also gave him my mcflurry

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

And it worked?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

guess who's got a ride back to the party?

...

...

...

To: Kiba  
From: Naruto

yo. kiba. gimme back my fries. that's not cool man

...

To: Kiba  
From: Naruto

KIBA YOU BASTARD

...

...

...

To: Gaara  
From: Sasuke

dude. i'm so drunk.

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Gaara

Sasuke, this is Gaara.

...

To: Gaara  
From: Sasuke

i can't wait to make love to you tonight

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Gaara

Sasuke, this is still Gaara.

...

...

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Sakura

Sasuke, please tell me you're not still trying to make spaghetti.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Sasuke

i want you so bad right now

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Sakura

...I'm just going to assume that's the alcohol speaking.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Sasuke

hey sakura

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Sakura

What?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Sasuke

take off your pants

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Sakura

NO. Okay, I'm going to stop you before you drunkenly sexually assault someone.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Sasuke

WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME

...

...

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

I feel so violated by Sasuke's texts.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

And who's that girl dry humping his leg?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

not sure. but i don't think it's a good idea to drink all that tequila like that

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

holy shit you just kneed her in the ovaries

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

dude. did sasuke just lick you?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

sakuraaaa

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

SAAAAAAKUURRAAAA

...

...

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

holy shit sasuke just licked sakura's face

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Is that what that scream was?

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

i forgot that sasuke is a perverted drunk

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Well shit. Oh and Neji and Tenten are making out on the couch.

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

THIS PARTY IS INSAAAAANE

...

...

...

**september 24**

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

DUDE. WTF HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Many things, Naruto. Many things.

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

are we all still at ino's house?

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Possibly. I went home though. No way in hell I was sleeping there.

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

...I woke up in the bathtub, which was filled with goldfish crackers. Explain?

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Oh that? You said they were all your babies and proceeded to name them all.

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

...Wtf. And dude, I just found Sasuke.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Really? Where was he?

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

He's duct taped to the treadmill. I have pics.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

...Send.

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

Oh shit hold on there's a burger in my pocket.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Okay... BTW have you seen Neji?

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

Oh yeah just saw him. he's with Tenten. DID THEY EVEN SLEEP?

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

They're still making out on the couch? How do we get them to stop?

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Naruto

I'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Shikamaru

Do it.

...

...

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sasuke

I woke up duct taped to the treadmill. What. The. Fuck.  
And someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. I'm guessing that was you.

Also, I think I might be gay

...

To: Sasuke  
From: Naruto

LOL.  
That is all.

...

...

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Chouji

Shikamaru... can you help me?

...

To: Chouji  
From: Shikamaru

Still stuck in the dryer?

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Chouji

Yup.

...

...

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

...

To: Ino  
From: Sakura

Well... a lot of things, Pig. OW my head hurts.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

WTF did I do last night? I'm sitting in the shower all wet.

...

To: Ino  
From: Sakura

You started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week, so I turned on the shower and let you jump around in it.

...

To: Sakura  
From: Ino

You're the best friend ever.

...

...

...

To: Sakura  
From: Shikamaru

I'm guessing you're the one that duct taped Sasuke to the treadmill.

...

To: Shikamaru  
From: Sakura

What.

...

...

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

I forgot to tell you Sasuke's a perverted drunk, so he comes on to anyone he sees.

...

To: Naruto  
From: Sakura

That explains so much. BTW, what did I do last night after I chugged the tequila?

...

To: Sakura  
From: Naruto

You kneed some girl in the ovaries, was sexually harassed by Sasuke, and then proceeded to duct tape him to the treadmill. How's that for a party?

...

...

...

To: Everyone  
From: Kiba

This is a mass text:  
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I AM?

...

...

...

TBC,

* * *

A/N: Okay, so I used a lot of "text from last night" quotes. WHO DA HEO CARES, MANG.

See? I didn't take a year to write the next chapter. Aren't you proud?

re...


	7. excuses

**notes:** /sigh. I'm sorry I'm so slow at updating... College is... well, not as brutal as expected, but still, my time is limited now, I tell you!

Well, I'm just going on a mass-updating spree (WOW, LIKE ONE UPDATE, ONE DRABBLE, AND A NEW STORY, WHATTA HARD WERKER) before I have to disappear off the face of FFNET.

And thank you all who gave this story love /tears. You make it all worthwhile.

But now I gotta top Chapter 6. GREEEEAAAAT.

**shameless advertisement: **psst, read my new stuff, & I will virtually salute you while saying "NEVAR FORGET." Thanks (:

* * *

**lessthanthree**

**Uzumaki Naruto**

I think I speak for everyone when I say DAMN WE GOT FECKED UP.

**Inuzuka Kiba **_likes this._

_..._

**Hyuuga Neji **I was perfectly sober the entire time I'll have you know.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Like when you and Tenten were dancing with a toilet seat, right?

**Inuzuka Kiba **And when you facebook'd the fact that you got your period.

**Hyuuga Neji **You and Sasuke will BURN for that, Inuzuka.

**Nara Shikamaru **Where were you, Kiba? And how did you get home?

**Inuzuka Kiba **Turns out I somehow ended up at Planned Parenthood

**Inuzuka Kiba **in Suna.

**Uzumaki Naruto **WTF dude?

...

_..._

_..._

**Yamanaka Ino**

Thanks for the greatest party in HISTORY (;  
Oh, and by the way, Lee, you need to pay for the dining table.

**Uzumaki Naruto**, **Inuzuka Kiba**, _and 14 others like this._

...

**Nara Shikamaru **Hn.

**Yamanaka Ino **What do you want, Pineapple Head, jerk-who-didn't-come-to-my-party?

**Nara Shikamaru **WTF are you talking about, woman? I did go.

**Yamanaka Ino **Uh huh, I'm sure I would have seen your stupid spiky head.

**Nara Shikamaru **Please, you were too delusional to notice anything other than unicorns singing in German. And it probably wasn't even the alcohol.

**Yamanaka Ino **I HATE YOU.

**Yamanaka Ino **I hereby banish you from this page. LEAVE, YOU INSENSITIVE DICKHEAD.

...

...

...

From: Gaara  
To: Sasuke

If you ever hit on me through text again, I'll smash your genitals, Uchiha.

...

From: Sasuke  
To: Gaara

No idea what you're talking about.

Also, I think I might be gay

...

From: Gaara  
To: Sasuke

RIIIGHT.

...

...

...

**Tenten Awesomesauce ► ****Hyuuga Neji**

Please tell me I didn't do anything moderately stupid during the party.

...

**Hyuuga Neji** Nothing I remember.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Oh, good. I tend to lose my memory when I'm drunk.

**Uzumaki Naruto **You gotta me shitting me, right?

**Nara Shikamaru** Do the words 'toilet seat' bring anything up?

**Tenten Awesomesauce **... OHHHH. OHMYGOD.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **OH GOD, I got vomit on Ino's toilet seat didn't I?

**Nara Shikamaru** /facepalm

...

...

...

**Hatake Kakashi**

Ahh, I remember my high school parties...

**Jiraiya Jazzpants** _like this._

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **When was that, like 2000BC?

**Hatake Kakashi **Kiss goodbye to your D+, you abominable student.

**Uzumaki Naruto **D:

...

...

...

**Hyuuga Neji ► ****Hyuuga Hinata**

You got drunk, DIDN'T YOU? And you participated in LEWD acts with that Inuzuka kid, DIDN'T YOU? That's why he had to go to Planned Parenthood. DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

...

**Hyuuga Hinata **Does that even make sense to you, Nii-san?

**Hyuuga Neji **I don't care. You are forbidden to ever speak to him again.

**Hyuuga Hinata **You're the one who was "participating in lewd acts", STUPID FARTHEAD!

**Haruno Sakura **I'm so proud of you right now, Hinata /tear

**Hyuuga Neji **And what is that supposed to mean? You have no proof to base your hypothesis off of. Your argument is invalid.

**Hyuuga Neji **What lewd acts?

**Hyuuga Neji **HINATA.

...

...

...

**Messages (1)**

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**Did I do something to you during the party?

**Haruno Sakura  
**... I don't know, Sasuke. What makes you say that?

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**Duct tape. Treadmill. Naruto.

**Haruno Sakura  
**Why don't you ask the slut that was grinding up on you!? I'll never look at spaghetti the same way ever again.

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**What...?

...

...

...

**Uzumaki Naruto ► Haruno Sakura**

What was up with the kneeing in the ovaries and shit, Sak?

...

**Haruno Sakura **That bitch will never have babies. EVER.

**Uchiha Sasuke **Who...?

**Haruno Sakura **You don't know it, but I'm giving you the stink eye right now.

**Uchiha Sasuke **Stop being unreasonable.

**Haruno Sakura **OH. OHOHOHO THE UCHIHA WANTS ME TO STOP BEING UNREASONABLE.

**Uchiha Sasuke **Yes.

**Haruno Sakura **You're such an easy slut, Sasuke.

**Uchiha Sasuke **WTF?

**Uzumaki Naruto **Hey, lovebirds, take this bitchfit somewhere else! You're spamming my notifications!

...

...

...

**Nara Shikamaru**

Seriously though, who the hell brought the weed brownies?

**Uzumaki Naruto** _likes this._

...

**Aburame Shino **I certainly didn't. Why? Because I wasn't even invited to the party.

**Uzumaki Naruto **Oh God, I'm sensing some serious Virginia Tech shit comin' on.

**Inuzuka Kiba **Stop giving him ideas, you dumbass!

**Aburame Shino **Relax, fellow schoolmates. Such a trivial idea is nothing new to me.

**Uzumaki Naruto **...

...

...

...

**Aburame Shino **► **Uzumaki Naruto**

Did you just report me?

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **...NO.

...

...

...

**Akimichi Chouji ► Yamanaka Ino**

Hey, Ino. I may have left my right shoe in you dryer.

...

**Yamanaka Ino **Ugh, come get it, Chouji.

**Nara Shikamaru **How did you get stuck in the dryer in the first place?

**Akimichi Chouji **For some reason, when I'm drunk I get amazingly flexible.

**Yamanaka Ino **That's a little disturbing, sweetie.

...

...

...

**Haruno Sakura**

Don't want to go to school! UGGHH.

**Yamanaka Ino**, **Tenten Awesomesauce**, _and 25 others like this._

...

**Uchiha Sasuke **Tell me, Sakura.

**Haruno Sakura **HARRESSMENT! REPORTED!

**Uchiha Sasuke **You're shitting me, right?

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino **

PIC. NOW. GO BETCHES.

...

**Haruno Sakura **What is this about, Ino?

**Yamanaka Ino **SHHH, just go...

**Tenten Awesomesauce **This better be good.

...

...

...

**heckyesitsINO **_has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**sakuraaafails **_has entered the chatroom._

...

**missxHina **_has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**iLikeBuns **___has entered the chatroom._

___..._

**heckyesitsINO: **Well all here?

**heckyesitsINO: **Okay, SPILL SAKURA.

**heckyesitsINO: **SPILL OUT YO GUTS, GIRL.

**sakuraaafails: **wait, what?

**heckyesitsINO: **I can sense tension between you and Sasuke through my laptop screen, babe.

**heckyesitsINO: **I want to know what's up. TELL ME.

**missxHina: **I'm curious, too... What happened after I left to take Lee home?

**heckyesitsINO: **Yeah, and I was.. busy.

**iLikeBuns: **What the hell was I doing?

**sakuraaafails: **...

**heckyesitsINO: **YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO TELL ME, OR I WILL GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT YOUR DOG.

**sakuraaafails: **WOW, INO. ABUSE.

**heckyesitsINO: **4

**heckyesitsINO: **3

**missxHina: **Please, just tell us, Sakura. We're your best friends.

**heckyesitsINO: **2...

**sakuraaafails: **Okayokayokay I got it. I'll tell.

**sakuraaafails: **Sasuke he...

**iLikeBuns: **HE WHAT. HE WHAT?

**sakuraaafails: **He kinda licked my face...

**missxHina: **... wow..

**heckyesitsINO: ** HE WHAAAAAAAAAT?

**iLikeBuns: **I didn't know Sasuke was so kinky...

**heckyesitsINO: **DETAILS, SAKURA. DETAAAAAIIILLLSSS.

**sakuraaafails: **He was drunk, okay? and Naruto said he becomes perverted when he's drunk.

**sakuraaafails: **It's nothing big! So don't make it a huge deal.

**heckyesitsINO: **NO, YOU IDIOT. THIS IS HUUUUGE.

**heckyesitsINO: **omg wait I'm gonna get Naruto.

...

...

...

**Yamanaka Ino ****► Uzumaki** **Naruto**

OH MY GOD, BABE. COME TO CHATROOM RIGHT NOW.

...

**Uzumaki Naruto **What? Right now?

**Yamanaka Ino **YES.

...

...

...

**Nooodles **_has entered the chatroom._

_..._

**Nooodles: **What's up?_  
_

**heckyesitsINO: **Is it true?

**Nooodles: **Is what true?

**heckyesitsINO: **That Sasuke becomes perverted when drunk?

**Nooodles: **Yeah but why

**heckyesitsINO: **OMG AND HE LICKED SAK?

**Nooodles: **Yeah I saw it myself

**sakuraaafails: **UGH, what do I do?

**heckyesitsINO: **does he know?

**iLikeBuns: **I seriously doubt that

**sakuraaafails: **No he doesn't... do I tell him? Do I keep my mouth shut?

**sakuraaafails: **What do I say to him?

**Nooodles: **WTF, it's not that big of a deal, guys.

**heckyesitsINO: **I love you and all, but SHUT UP, NARUTO.

**Nooodles: **Rude...

**missxHina: **/sigh

...

...

...

**Uzumaki Naruto**

I want a burrito.

**Akimichi Chouji **_likes this._

_..._

...

...

**Hyuuga Neji**

I feel like I'm forgetting something rather important.

**Uzumaki Naruto** _likes this._

..._  
_

**Uzumaki Naruto **LOL. you have no idea, bro.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **Same here, Neji.  
_1 person liked this._

**Uzumaki Naruto **LOOOL. OMG THAT MAKES IT EVEN FUNNIER._  
_

**Nara Shikamaru **/sigh. Someday, Neji.

**Hyuuga Neji **Tenten... did you steal my wallet?

**Tenten Awesomesauce **EXCUSE ME?

**Uzumaki Naruto **OH GOD, MY SIDE IS CRAMPING. HAHAHAH LOL.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **I didn't steal your stupid My Little Pony wallet, you poop.

**Uzumaki Naruto **MY LITTLE PONY HAHAHAHHAHAHA

**Hyuuga Neji **You said you wouldn't tell anyone, you traitorous woman!

**Uzumaki Naruto **You know what would go well with this? A burrito.

...

...

...

**Tenten Awesomesauce**

Neji's an idiot with UGLY HAIR.

**Yamanaka Ino **_likes this._

..._  
_

**Hyuuga Neji **Please, my hair has a thousand times more luster and volume than your poorly conditioned sad excuse for hair.

**Tenten Awesomesauce **YOU ARE ON MY SHIT LIST, HYUUGA NEJI. YOU BITCH.

**Uzumaki Naruto **If it weren't for what happened at the party, I would have assumed you were gay and left it at that.

...

...

...

**Messages (1)**

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**I don't actually need to ask for homework from you.

**Haruno Sakura  
**What're you talking about, Sasuke?

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**Whenever I ask for homework, I don't really need it.

**Haruno Sakura  
**Then why do you do it?

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**It's an excuse.

**Haruno Sakura  
**Excuse?

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**An excuse to talk to you.

...

...

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

HOMYGOD.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

SASUKE JUST MESSAGED ME.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

So...? Did you tell him?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

NOT YET.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Then WTF, betch?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

HE MESSAGED ME AND TOLD ME THAT WHENEVER HE ASKS FOR HW IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO ME.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

... JACKPOTTTTT!

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

God, you are so weird, Ino.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Proud of it, babe.  
So what did you say to him?

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

Uh... Nothing.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? I should slap your mother for that.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

RUDE, INO. SO RUDE.  
I don't know what to say to him!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

Tell him the truth. That you totally want to jump him and sex him up in a dark bathroom.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

EXCUSE ME, that's your crazy fantasy with Shikamaru.

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

BITCH.

...

From: Sakura  
To: Ino

GOD, you are no help at all!  
And don't say anything to him. I don't want you meddling!

...

From: Ino  
To: Sakura

What can I say? Your love life is just too amusing to not meddle in (;  
Now go talk to him before he thinks you're retarded.

...

...

...

**Messages (1)**

**Haruno Sakura  
**You licked my face during the party.

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**Shit, well that was an accident.

**Haruno Sakura  
**i know, I kinda figured.

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**So why say this now?

**Haruno Sakura  
**I needed an excuse to talk to you.

**Uchiha Sasuke  
**Meet me at Starbuck's in half an hour.

**Haruno Sakura  
**'kay.

...

...

...

TBC,

* * *

**notes: **What a terribly pointless chapter, LOL. I'm trying to add more and more development in relationships with every chapter. Hopefully I don't end up dragging this story on too long.

Oh god... I abuse the bolding way too much.

Yeeah, I still got it (:

Shower me in love, people. I demand it.


End file.
